Friday, April 21, 2017

Stardom Awaits (Story & the Weekly Best)

THE STORY:
Earlier this week I was preparing to audition my voice for a fun podcast. I knew I wouldn't be a likely candidate but figured it was worth the shot. Before the audition even started, the producer gave me instant feedback.

"Your voice isn't very animated- BUT- it would be really great at announcing serious, sad things! Like, you would probably do really good on the news."

Here's to my future as the "strikes, wars, manslaughters" news anchor.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Forgotten on Vacation

I was fully dressed for hotel breakfast when on vacation. That goes against anything and everything I've ever been taught.

This next part probably doesn't even need explanation because this was taught alongside Mother Goose rhymes and the ABC's but just so no one feels left out, I will tell you the rules of vacation.

  1. The hotel is not a home away from home. You don't want to be home. Otherwise you wouldn't be on vacation. (As learned from Adam Sandler's Bedtime Stories)
  2. If you're not sure if you should tip or not, then you probably should. Unless you have a tot leaping off the couch and you lose focus trying to keep said tot from disrupting neighbors below so you forget to make a decision about tipping the maintenance who came to fix the hotel's TV.
  3. Tip housekeeping extra, as a way to make up for your (maybe?) tipping mistake earlier.
  4. You must never be dressed for Hotel Breakfast. This is not the place to impress. This is the place to eat food you don't have at home. This is not home. (See: Vacation Rules #1)

Monday, April 17, 2017

Easter Meester

Easter started with this box of chocolates proclaimed "easy to SHARE!"

HELLO THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF A GOOD THING



Let me be the parent of the year and tell you that the Easter Bunny does not shine around here. Take #1: the Easter baskets.


Saturday, April 8, 2017

This is what sleep deprivation does to you (Story & the Weekly Best)

I woke up a few nights ago and there was a MAN curled up right at my back, dead asleep.

I stiffened at the presence, but pretended that I was still asleep while my mind spun. Who was this? How did he get in here? There weren't much details to study in the dark, but from what I could tell, he didn't look like a savage killer. 

Eventually I remembered hearing about refugees who were looking for places to stay on the news. This relaxed me a little bit. He was probably a man who needed a bed to sleep for the night. There were probably more of these men out in the hallway. Then I was torn. I didn't want to kick the poor man out, but I was also incredibly uncomfortable to have him sleeping next to me.

I sat up and gently shook him awake. Sleepy eyes cracked open just a bit. 

Chaun: Could you move to the side of the bed, please?
Man: Oh, sure

He rolled onto his back, still in the center of the mattress.

Chaun: No, I mean to the farthest side as possible.
Man: *mumbling as he sleepily pushes off to the side* Okay. What for?
Chaun: Honestly, I'm just really uncomfortable that you're sleeping right next to me. That's not decent.

Friday, March 31, 2017

When Taylor Buys Conference Treats (& the Weekly Best)

I've mentioned before that Taylor is a health nut.
And that Taylor gets sugar highs off bananas.
And that Taylor graduated college in exercise and sports science and studied healthiness.

I know all of these things. We, collectively together, know all of these things. And yet all that knowledge went out the window when my darling husband came waltzing in the door at 7 AM with groceries on his arm. With a huge, dazzling smile he proclaimed, "I splurged on treats for general conference!". I was shocked. Treats? By the hands of Taylor?! What madness! What glory! What sugar fantasies were we to feast on while gospel goodness filled our home??


Taylor, as proud as a boy with new treasures could ever be, brought the Walmart bag of promises to the counter. Just as he reached in to grab the undisclosed excitements, he hesitated, and looked at me with a worried look on his face. It was then when I began to sense that maybe these treats weren't quite what I was expecting.

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