Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Bottle Feeding

Babies.
Are.
Exhausting.

Taylor stayed home with me for the first week after Arrow was born. Husband of the year award? I think yes. 

That week passed by too quickly, and he had to resume his manly adult duties out in the work and school force. That meant that we wouldn't be able to switch off the nightly feedings anymore. He was leaving me in charge.

I know, right?


I was nervous for that first night. 2 hours of sleep = literally walking into walls. Add a side order of holding a baby, and you get a meal of bruises and tears. I was determined to pull off the night flawlessly though. I didn't want Taylor to worry about me handling it on my own.

Arrow's fussy pre-cries woke me a couple hours after putting her to sleep. The pre-cries are warnings for someone to get her meal ready before she blows. Taylor sleeps like a rock through most of her baby noises, but I knew we only had a matter of time. I rolled out of bed, narrowly missed the wardrobe door, stumbled into the door frame, and hobbled up the stairs into the kitchen. All in all making enough noise to wake Arrow up even more. 

As I starting warming up her milk, I realized I had left all the clean bottles in the bedroom. I was too tired to go hobbling back. I opted for a cup instead. Feeling giddy at my genius cleverness (it's a 2 AM thing), I started filling the cup with milk. I knew I was supposed to have 70 milliliters, but my tired brain couldn't figure out how big that was. Did I pour milk 10 mL at a time? Yes. Yes I did. Looking back now, I don't think I got it right.

I swished the side of the cup enthusiastically underneath the hot water, hoping that would heat it up faster. After forever finally passed, the milk warmed up. Then I did one of those things that you watch yourself do something stupid but somehow seem incapable of stopping it. In the process of yanking the cup out, I also let the faucet dump water into the cup. I watched the liquids mix. I felt a bit shocked.

My thoughts at that realization: Did that freaking just happen?!

(#OlanRogers)

Keep it? Throw it out? Isn't water poisonous to babies? Is that a conspiracy? Should I find out? What if Arrow mutates to a superhuman fish because of it? Do fish have fingers? What are the true risks here?

In the end, I followed my motherly instincts and dumped it. I didn't want my kid to die from my genius cleverness. You know. Just in case it wasn't as genius as I thought.

Luckily, there is a happy ending. I was panicking by the time the second cup was finished. (Seriously. Another cup.) I headed as quickly as I could back towards the bedroom. To my great surprise, I didn't hear any screams when I entered the room. Turns out baby girl had fallen back asleep by herself. I woke her gently, fed her with a clean bottle, and put her back to sleep. I crawled back into bed, and let my head fall heavy on the pillow.

And Taylor never even knew.
Mission accomplished.

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