Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Politically Incorrect

I'm not sure what's going on in Utah lately, but it seems the odd folk are out and about more often than usual. This here is a collection of oddities I've heard recently.




*****

I'm a conservative

At the thrift store looking at vintage wedding dresses. Random lady comes up to my teenage sister and me.

Lady: Are you girls getting married?
Us: Uh... no. Just looking at these pretty dresses.
Lady: Oh okay. Well these sure are ugly, aren't they? I'm a conservative. I wouldn't wear these old bags though.


Lady is wearing a collar high shirt and jeans, so I accept that's she's a modest dresser.

Lady: I wouldn't wear the long dresses though. That's too much. Knee length is better. Oh! This is perfect.


She pulls out a neon purple, sleeveless, low-cut prom dress, with a hemline that hardly covers the important stuff.

Lady: Yes, this would be perfect if I ever got married again.


*****

Two Dollars

At a gas station where a customer and cashier debate the price of a bottle of Coca-Cola. I am stuck in line between this debate while becoming more and more late to a meeting.

Customer: Well the sign says two for two dollars.
Clerk: So it's really just one dollar per bottle of Coke, right?
Customer: (pauses) No. I don't think so. I think it's just two dollars.
Clerk: Okay, I understand. Let me go check with my manager.

Several minutes pass

Clerk (returns): Okay, yup you were right. Your total is two dollars.


*****

Maybe she'll pull a knife on me, maybe she won't.

While waiting for my train to arrive, a strange woman sits next to me. She starts to talk about the how Utah has disappointed her and other various topics that don't seem to have any relationship from one sentence to the next. I don't know what to say, so I pull out my phone to check the time.

(Woman leans over and looks at my screen) 
Woman: Yeah, you better look at your phone. 
She sighs. Then sings in a sweet, threatening voice, "I hope you live!" 

She abruptly stands up. I suppress a laugh because this is ridiculous. I also pull back because #sketchy. Instead of pulling out her armory, she jumps into the open door frame of a train as it begins to leave.

Me: I missed Downtown.


*****

He's becoming one of us

While blogging.
Taylor (looking over my shoulder) So, when you're done with that, do you want to Pinterest together?

We need more romantic date ideas, guys.

What ridiculous things have you heard lately?

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