Friday, September 25, 2015

THE WORST VIDEO ON THE INTERNET

Warning: disturbing content of the world's little horrors, namely moths and spiders.

You. Guys.

I just found the worst possible video to exist on the internet.

It's worse than the whole camel spider vs. scorpion videos. It's worse than the Watergate Tapes. It's worse than Charlie Bit My Finger.

And now I just need all of you guys to watch it and validate me in how awful this video is.


Just a giant pet moth.

Just a giant pet moth.

Did you properly indulge in the horrors that these things exist? Do you understand that people hold them for fun, and they keep them as pets?!

I just don't understand this planet anymore.


Moths are just awful. I honestly don't understand the purpose of bugs and insects. As if the world isn't awful enough, we have these creatures to worry about.

If someone said "Yo, Chaun, I'd give you a million dollars to run through this field of spider webs!", I'd be like "No, I'd rather run through a burning house. And I'll do it for free."

I'm not even kidding here, friends.

Some might be wondering what the big freak out is. Some of you might be saying "It's just a bug. Calm yourself." When someone says this, I have to wonder what sort of sad trials this person has gone through to have become so desensitized.

A couple days ago, Taylor and I found a nasty eight limbed creature in the corner of our garage. Taylor, at my complaints, teased the spider by tickling the web with the car keys. The spider moved freakishly fast to its prey. Once it realized it had been tricked, it waved its legs and fangs at us. It actually kind of reminded me of this gif:


(it's the last four ish seconds of her waving her brush)

I didn't care for its acidulous reaction towards my husband, so I threw a rock at its web. The web was destroyed in half a second, and the spider was gone. Feeling triumphant, I leaned in closer to the empty nest.

I had forgotten how fast spiders can run.

The little beast popped out of a wrinkle in time and rushed at me. Me! This was no accident! It knew exactly who had destroyed its home and it was out for blood. 

I bust buttons and head tail for my apartment, with Taylor laughing in tow. He thought I well deserved a good licking from a spider who's home just got destroyed. I personally think the spider ought to not be vandalizing other people's homes in the first place.

Revenge never works. Don't we know this? Whether it's me on the spider, or the spider on me, it's never going to even out. I know this for fact, because the very next day, Taylor noticed some funny shapes on the windshield as he drove to come pick me up. They were funny little shapes that moved very fast.

Spiders! There were spiders on our windshield! And there was more than one. Two, in fact. Two very fast spiders that hid under the carhood until I was picked up and taken home. As soon as I step foot out of the car, the spiders resurfaced. After a moment though, they went back down under.

I'm not exactly sure what happened later. My guess is though, with the intense Utah heat lately, and all the driving we do... I'm pretty sure the spiders cooked themselves in their new home. They exist no longer.

Hmm. Maybe revenge is sweet after all.

1 comment:

  1. Did...did she call that demonic creature gorgeous? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HUMANITY WHY DIDN'T SHE THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW AND SEND A LIT BLOWTORCH AFTER IT WHY DID SHE LET IT TOUCH HER SHE'S PROBABLY INFECTED WITH AN AWFUL DISEASE AND IS GOING TO DIE AFTER SHE PASSES IT ON THROUGHOUT ALL THE HUMANS KILLING US OFF ONE BY ONE

    ReplyDelete

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