My young lass self used to think that passionate romances was where all the good stuff was. Live forever and love forever. I thought those romances couldn't fail because you were with the one. Sure, maybe you'd bicker here and there, or have a dramatic fight to test your love, but they would not, they could not, fail. As a teenager, I was very much into expressing lovely thoughts through words and song. And texting loving messages to my boyfriend, of course.
One fine day, I moved to college and learned I didn't know anything. Part of that was learning what a real love and romance was. I found out that I actually didn't care much for love songs, and more about my actual love language. It's service, if you care to know. This was helpful to know now what sort of man I was really looking for. There are plenty of great and awesome guys out there, but some of them I couldn't really connect with, because service wasn't super important to them.
Spotlight on Taylor: When I met him, his calling in the church congregation was to set up a bimonthly service project for the ward every Monday. "Service" is not his love language, but he took it seriously and was super diligent in finding service activities for young adults to do around Salt Lake. Loved it.
My attempts at being romantic were not super fabulous in college. I remember the first time I told Taylor I loved him. It was very Nicholas Sparks worthy. We had just pulled into my driveway from visiting his family. It was dark outside, with only the porch light to shine into our glistening eyes. I unbuckled my seat belt, and said what I had contemplating all evening. I said, quote, "So,... I think I love you ...Yeah."
To which he replied in surprise. "Oh! I, uh, okay!"
Yes, this was the beginning to living our life in love.
It shouldn't have taken me so long to figure out, but a passionate romance really wasn't the thing for me. I wish I had realized sooner that there are more options out there.
Eventually I started picking up on something I think of as "soft" romance. A romance that wasn't so crazy "I'm so madly in love with this person" but instead something quiet, sincere, and glowing.
Actually, this song really captures it for me. This is sweet, secure, and a different kind of love. It's much better, I think. (Also the video will make you cry)
"All of Me" - Gardiner Sisters
I am a "soft romance" sort of person. I enjoy feeling the comfort and safety in romance. It's something to fall back on when challenges come our way. It is peaceful.
This romance is not fail proof. No relationship is. It takes work and kindness and letting go of pride. It seems to me, (in my limited experience in marriage ;) that the longer we're married, the easier it is to not be kind or prideful. Which is ridiculous.
A soft romance doesn't mean a lack of passion or excitement. In our marriage career, we have taken adventures in moving to a Russia for a summer and raising a danger-seeking baby together. I lay my head in his lap when we watch movies. He writes me little notes for me to find. I have a favorite cuddle that I pull out when we say our night prayers together. It involves curling underneath his chest while he kneels, sort of like a cat. There's no picture I can show for demonstration that wouldn't look way too awkward here, so just know that we like to cuddle.
We are happy in the sense that we are happy... most of the time. Sometimes we are grumpy. Sometimes we are really sick to death of bills. (Always sick to death, actually). Sometimes we are sad. Sometimes we are way too weird and creep on each other and it's uncomfortable for everyone.
There is usually creeping, actually.
But we are happy.
I may no longer write letters of my affection. I may have stopped making up diddies on my guitar about how much I really love my boy. And I still don't really like slow dances.
But there is happiness here.
Looks like the soft romances have it pretty good, too. :)