Corn Mazes Are Terrifying: Confessions from a Diehard.

I know someone who loves the fall season so much that for her DECEMBER wedding, she convinced everyone to plan for a fall theme. On the big day, the wedding party was shivering in 2 degree weather, posing with their sunflower bouquets, and drinking pumpkin hot chocolates.

In retrospect, that autumn-in-December may have been a little over the top. 

With a backstory of autumn dedication like that, I used to feel this pressure to love everything about fall, no matter the consequence. But no longer.

Thanks to corn mazes.

I packed up my family to go to a fall festival work party this week. There was a massive corn maze at the event. I talked Taylor into going. "It's to celebrate fall!" I said. "It'll be so much fun!" I said.

Corn mazes are fun if you're the type of person who likes to get lost in the dark while heaving around 40+ pounds of pregnancy weight while the sun sets and the pressure to get OUT is like none other since the funnel cake truck is going to close any minute.


And then... the sun sets and you're left scrambling for the exit in inky twilight. There's a legitimate fear that you won't be able to escape, since the rules about not cutting through are so strict that regime government leaders can't help but be impressed.

Easily, we could have died out in that corn maze. It was massive, the map was confusing, and Arrow walked until she could walk no more. Had we had died, I would have been pretty frustrated. I definitely do not want to spend my haunting years in a corn maze because the visiting patrons write me off as a realistic looking ghost "prop". What a waste of potential!

Taylor and Arrow really did enjoy themselves though, so although I can't relate to their happiness, I'm happy when they are happy.

Except maybe next year I'll just have a party at the funnel cake truck while they romp in the crops without me. That would also be fine.

1 comment:

  1. I remember a news story from a few years back about a family who called 911 from a corn maze because it was getting dark and they couldn't find their way out. This would totally be us so I steer clear.


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