Friday, September 9, 2016

Haircuts with honey


How haircuts go in our household:

**** one month prior ****

Chaun: (smiling sweetly) Your hair is starting to get long!

Taylor: *glances in mirror* Looks like it is!

Chaun: ...

Taylor: ...

Chaun: So, what movie do you want to watch tonight?

**** two weeks prior ****

Chaun: (nicely) Looks like you're going to need a hair cut soon!

Taylor: Probably, yeah. 

Chaun: Yeah, it's, uh, curling around your ears.

Taylor: (sighs) I probably should. I'll check with Dad to borrow his clippers.

**** one week prior ****

Chaun: (casually) Did you ask your Dad about the clippers?

Taylor: Huh? Oh, no, I forgot.

Chaun: We're actually headed up to visit your family on Sunday. How about doing it then?

Taylor: (grumbling) Fiiiine.

Taylor: ...

Taylor: So what's on Sunday?

Chaun: Sunday?

Taylor: Yeah, is there a reason why we're going?

Chaun: It's just time for a visit I think!

Taylor: When did you decide that?

Chaun: About 30 seconds ago.

**** Sunday ****

Chaun: (Just about to head back home from the in-laws) Oh! I almost forgot. Let's go get your hair cut real quick.

Taylor: Nooooooo!

Chaun: Yes. 

Taylor: It's too late. We have to drive home still and you work in the morning and we're too young to live like this and-

Chaun: (exasperated) Honey child, your hair is SO long right now!

Taylor: Only because I don't style it!

Chaun: Are you going to start styling it?

Taylor: I've been thinking about it.

Chaun: Seriously? Or are you just getting out of a hair cut?

Taylor: Chaaaaauuuunnnn I hate cutting my hair.

Chaun: You don't even cut your hair! You just sit! In a chair! And do nothing! I do all the cutting!

Taylor: It takes forever.

Chaun: It takes, like, 10 minutes. Tops.

Taylor: You take at least 20.

Chaun: That's because I'm afraid of scalping you.

Taylor: Literally not possible.

Chaun: I literally set my scrambled eggs on fire in the frying pan ON ACCIDENT.

Taylor: This is not helping.

Chaun: Taylor! Ya just sit in the chair, boy! 

Taylor: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Look, I'll just borrow the clippers from Dad and we'll do it this week.

Chaun: Promise?

Taylor: (skips off into the sunset)

**** TWO MONTHS LATER****

Chaun: (Enters room. Slams down medical textbooks for dramatic effect. Lights a cigar. Beyonce sashes in with her best "fierce" look.) 

Chaun: Honey. Bunny. We are cutting your hair tonight.

Taylor: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME.

*takes 20 minutes to cut hair*
A nag I may be, but that doesn't make me any less satisfied :)


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