I was having a sick day.
Sick days call for bags of chocolate chips and a double binge on episodes for the Great British Bake Off. (Also- I CRIED at the first finale. WHY IS THIS SHOW SO ADORABLE.)
Anyway, while I was eating a bag of raw chocolate chips and making myself an expert on
tempered chocolate by doing nothing other than watching a dozen people make chocolate trees for cake toppers, I noticed my throat had become raw and sore.
On my desk sits a little vial of peppermint oil a friend gave me awhile ago. I'd only used it once before for a stuffy nose. I diligently followed the instructions to rub the oil on the bottom of my foot, but did so in hiding because I was afraid someone would accuse me of witchcraft. Technically that cold cleared up the next day, but I still wasn't convinced on the magical properties of essential oils.
Still, I figured a shot of the peppermint oil for my current sore throat would only A) Do Nothing or B) Do Something, so it was worth a second try.
(Note: Based on my scientifically sound method, maybe it was a shame I dropped biochem as my college major.)
I pried open the little vial and dabbed a bit of the oil under my nose to get a good whiff of it.
Peppermint is delightfully pungent. It reeks like smoke, but the kind of smoke that emits from the Keebler elves' wood burning stove. In general, I rarely stop myself when I have a moderate, healthy amount of a good thing anyway, so I dabbed a second brush of peppermint oil under my nose. And then a third, on my foot, because that's what somebody who’s definitely not a witch told me to do.
SO MUCH PEPPERMINT DELIGHT.
At this point I may have developed cancerous pores in my lungs from breathing in so much
peppermint, but that's a battle I'm willing to be done in for.
The throat pain was cleared up impressively within seconds. The yucky sludge stuff plugged up in there started clearing up as well.
Feeling relatively pleased that I didn't have that bothersome throat cold to worry about, I returned my attention back to the Black Forest mirror glaze cake that an adorable British lady was now frosting. As she began erecting her trees, I absentmindedly rubbed my left eye.
For the first few seconds, I screamed. Internally.
I honestly don't know as much as I should about the human body. But it seems like when
experimenting with alternative medicines, then one ought to not get it in their cornea.
Because then weird crap happens.
Fully aware I was about to subject my ego to the alter, I called Poison Control about my
POISON CONTROL: Hello, this is poison control, how can I help you with your emergency?
CHAUN: Um, hi, I'm really sorry, but I've done something stupid, and I'm about to waste your time at work, but I just rubbed peppermint oil in my eye. *Realizes how millenial I sound*. Um, that was by accident, by the way. Not to heal something weird, ahm- I've got a cold and my friend convinced me to try it*, and is there anything I should do other than washing my eye?
*Note, my friend did nothing of the sort. This was nothing but a pitiful attempt to save face.
PC: Um... Okay. Let me make sure I understand. You've got peppermint oil in your eye?
PC: It's just the oil?
Chaun: Yeahhhh Like the essential oil kind.
PC: Are you currently experiencing any pain or irritation?
Chaun: Uhmmmmm I'm not sure. My eye doesn't feel painful or itchy. It feels minty fresh.
PC: Your eye feels... fresh?
Chaun: Yea, like I've washed it with toothpaste. It feels like super clean. Minty fresh, like after you brush your teeth. Kinda feels good, actually.
Chaun: I'm not endorsing this, by the way. I mean, it feels good, but definitely don't stick stuff in your eye that shouldn't be there. I mean, I can tell there's something there that shouldn't be.
PC: And no other irritation?
Chaun: Nope. Just... miiinty...
PC: Haha. Okay. This is a first for me actually.
Chaun: That's good. Sounds like most people are intelligent enough NOT to rub doterra in their eyes then. Did I mention this was by accident? And that I really know not to put experimental things in my eyes?
PC: *uncomfortably laughs*
He then went on to give me sound, medical advice to removing my contacts and washing my eyes
out. He was very kind in trying to reassure that he gets calls like this all the time even though I know he was white-lying to relive some of the stupidity I felt. He promised to call back in an hour.
Now, if I couldn't embarrass myself further on this blog, stick around for a second.
I peed myself washing out my eyes because I have a tiny, unstable bladder.
AND THEN at the end of all that, my sore throat came back.
Maybe essentials oils are of the devil after all?